So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize