Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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