I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
