hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Randomize
