please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
