Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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