i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
