Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
