take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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