I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
