In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
