I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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