Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
