I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
