Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Randomize