just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
