did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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