Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(973): View more from New Jersey

i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking

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(818): View more from California

he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....

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(630): View more from Illinois

My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.

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(646): View more from New York

Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.

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(951): View more from California

At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?

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(727): View more from Florida

remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.

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(701): View more from North Dakota

Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!

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(518): View more from New York

Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.

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(443): View more from Maryland

Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"

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