Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
