if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
