College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize