six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
