I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
