I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Randomize
