I'm gonna have a badass scar
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
