this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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