Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
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