I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
