This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize
