So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
