i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
