I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
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