I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
