Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
Randomize
