I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
