My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
