shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize