Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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