I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
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