oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
