Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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