I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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