True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She told me I should be a condom model.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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