Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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