Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
