Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
