im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
