i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
