this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
