i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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