I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
How many fucks given?
0.12846
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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