My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
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