after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
