I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
