So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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