Her vagina should come with caution tape.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
