This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Randomize
