I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize