I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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