Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
