We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
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