Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
