omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Randomize
