I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
the condom got lost in my hair
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
