Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
3 2 1 whiskey
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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