VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
