Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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