It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
