what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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