found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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