On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
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