6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am in a vortex of obligation.
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
