His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
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