It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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