clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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