Need sex. Gaining weight.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
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