You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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