three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
