I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
