Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
