And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
