There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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