i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
