Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
