Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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