hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
