just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
The ass gains better be worth it
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