I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize