He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
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