I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
Randomize
