so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
The Olympian is in my bed
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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