she woke up with a sticky ear
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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