Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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