Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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