I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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