we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
