If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
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