I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
