i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
