he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
