Just mADE A PArabola og urine
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
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