My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
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